Jaguar’s Birthday Memorial #4

August 4, 2020
Author: Sylvia Gutierrez

Jaguar’s Birthday Memorial #4
‘It’s Not That Bad’
A few years ago, for my birthday in October, Javier surprised me with a Mercedes. Never before had I had such a nice car and we made great efforts to take care of it – covering it, parking it away from other cars, backing it out carefully, etc. Come December, Jaguar and his family arrived in San Antonio for the Christmas holidays. There were plenty of activities to keep us busy and coming and going the entire time. Pulling up at home one evening after one of our events, we happen to spot Jaguar, who had arrived a few minutes before we did, trying to park his monster of an SUV in front of my mosquito of a car. Any other person would have thought to park their vehicle elsewhere on our large yard. But no, not Jaguar. He was smiling with his head sticking out the window while trying to squeeze his Excursion between two of our other vehicles, one being my Mercedes. Javier was like, “I know he’s not doing what I think . . . OF COURSE THAT’S EXACLY WHAT HE’S DOING! We felt so anxious, we couldn’t even look! All I could think about was how I was going to strangle my son if he hit my car. After a few minutes our ordeal was over, and as expected, we were disappointed to discover a 6” scratch mark on the side of my front bumper. Jaguar, on the other hand, was actually quite pleased with his skills and that it wasn’t that bad! Gabby, in the meantime, can be heard in the distance laughing at the whole situation. Javier and I had intended on holding him accountable, but believe it or not, a week later one of my students backed into my car and the bumper had to be replaced anyway. I hadn’t driven my car since before Jag’s passing. It had sat parked in the driveway for months until a few weeks ago when Javier finally started her up, cleaned her up, and we took her for a spin to the cemetery. It was there that I remembered the incident and I couldn’t help but smile at how things had worked out in Jaguar’s favor ❤.

Jaguar’s Birthday Memorial #3

August 3, 2020
Author: Sylvia Gutierrez

Jaguar’s Birthday Memorial #3
A Sight to Remember
If you happened to attend Jaguar’s memorial service or watched it online, you might remember several references made about Jaguar’s shorts. For instance, when Derek, Jag’s childhood best friend recalled, “There’s a guy over there with some really short shorts . . . oh boy, it’s Jaguar.” Or Captain Dunkin remarked, “You’d be happy to know he carried on the short shorts to the team room and every deployment.” Or even Javier when he shared, “I look out the window and see Jaguar-in his short shorts–barefoot and without a shirt.” Well you can finally have an idea of what they were all talking about. Jag loved ranger shorts and it’s what he wore most of the time. I’m glad he felt comfortable wearing them in front of others because, depending on how short they were that day, he sure made it humorous for everybody else 😆❤.

Jaguar’s Birthday Memorial #2

August 2, 2020
Author: Sylvia Gutierrez

Jaguar’s Birthday Memorial #2‘
King of the Monsters
We introduced Jaguar to Godzilla early on in his childhood. Because of his love of dinosaurs, we bought him his first Godzilla VHS tape, played it for him, and, as they say, Jag was never the same. Godzilla immediately became his favorite monster. We soon had a library of every Godzilla movie ever made. We bought him small Godzillas, big Godzillas, and one giant Godzilla. The giant Godzilla was an inflatable that stood 6 ft tall. He’d stage it in the middle of his room so when I would go in and turn the light on, it would scare the living daylights out of me!!! After several close “heart attacks”, I finally deflated the thing! It was his favorite character to draw and he drew it over and over again (drawings I saved and I’m still looking for ☹). It came as no surprise, therefore, that when Jag’s items were returned from Afghanistan, along with his Bible, there was also Godzilla.

Jaguar’s Birthday Memorial #1

August 1, 2020
Author: Sylvia Gutierrez

On August 12th, Jaguar would have been turning 29 years old. In memoriam, I will be sharing a vignette about him every day beginning today, August 1st, until his birthday. These are just a few of the stories I’ve written since his passing that have helped me remember who he was to us. You are greatly loved and missed son. – S

‘Jaguar’
Long before Jag was born, Javier had decided that his name would be Jaguar. It was Javier’s nickname at church, and, as a musician, he silently hoped his son would become a guitar player and use it as his stage name. I surely didn’t take him serious about it, and I had just expected him to drop the silly suggestion before he was born. Desert Shield/Storm was happening at the time and, as you might expect, war has a way of making you promise things you never would have otherwise. Javier was deployed to Kuwait when I reluctantly agreed to his name. Deep inside though, I counted on him not being here for the birth and that I would “improvise”. I desperately wanted his name to be Joseph – as in the son of Jacob from the Bible who persevered in faith, patience, and forgiveness despite the cruel injustices done against him, and who the Lord greatly blessed and exalted to save his people. I hoped having the name ‘Joseph’ would lead him to embody the same characteristics as he learned more about his namesake. The name Jaguar, in my opinion, would propose quite the opposite.

But as God would have it, Javier returned home just in time for the birth of his son and gave him the name Javier Jaguar Gutierrez. He was known as Jaguar from that day forward by all our family and friends, and many others who got to know him personally. This video is of Jaguar giving a speech about his name. It was an online assignment for college that he made years ago. His name may not have been Joseph as from the Bible, but he was no less a meek persevering servant of the Lord named Jaguar.

Memorial Day

May 25, 2020
Author: Sylvia Gutierrez

Even though I know you fulfilled your purpose, and even though I know in whose presence you abide, and even though I know I will see you again one day soon, I STILL cry a million tears today. But God is with me ❤.


This temporary separation STILL stings, and your absence is a black hole in my heart that rapidly and ferociously consumes my strength. But God is with me ❤.


Even in the maturity of Christ, the weight of your loss is immense and each day STILL feels heavier than the last. But God is with me ❤.


Jaguar, my son, I love you and I’m completely faint at the thought of my life without you here. BUT GOD IS STILL WITH ME ❤.

Jaguar’s first Memorial Day. We want to thank those who sent us messages throughout the day, shared tributes with us, and came by to pay their respects. It was also the first visit for Gabby and Apollo since the burial. Thank you for your prayers and support. God bless our soldiers.

Two Months Later

Author: Sylvia Gutierrez
April 8, 2020

Today marks 2 months since we received the devastating news about Jag, and time seemed to have stopped for us. There are so many thoughts and emotions, but the words, at this point, still escape me or all jumbled together. For now, I’ve settled for creating picture collages that are merely a glimpse of our life since February 8th; a visual diary of moments that are still, in many instances, a blur; a compass to navigate my way through what feels like one long endless day – with no end in sight; and the first stage in my attempt to capture Jag’s extraordinary life for his 4 children. (These are just a few I am sharing).

Jaguar’s death continues to resonate with many. In filing our taxes recently, the older man learned who we were, and he turned away and sobbed deeply. Others still find it difficult to speak with us without getting emotional. Jag is buried very close to the main road at Fort Sam Houston National Cemetery. We’ve had people stop to offer their condolences and thank us. And we see traces of visitors through miscellaneous items and flowers left at his gravesite. Javier and I thank all of you who still send us messages of support and prayers for us, and Gabby and our grandchildren. Make no mistake, we still survive on those!!! I am grateful to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for being my strength and hope through every season of my life. I may never know the why, but I trust in God’s sovereign plan. And though my heart aches deeply, it is not troubled – for Jesus is the anchor of my soul.

To God be the Glory!
– Sylvia

Thoughts from Mom

Author: Sylvia Gutierrez
March 26, 2020

Every day I walk into this room hoping I’m going to accomplish something. I stop, stare, contemplate, and then turn back around. I’m still overwhelmed by it all. I cherish everything here and, eventually, it will all find it’s proper place. Interestingly enough, Jag was always simple. Any award, certificate, or medal he won in school would have to be taken from him right away or it would be destined to be buried in his backpack or crumbled in his drawer. He shied away from attention given for his accomplishments, small and big alike. I chose not to force him to take his HS graduation picture, but I did have to argue with him to walk the stage. And at his Green Beret ceremony, he asked me not to post anything about it – for 2 years! Even now, I’m barely learning about some of his other achievements, thanks to his team.

Well son, you have received more attention than you could have ever wanted or imagined. We are so proud and honored to accept it on your behalf. We love and miss you ❤. – Mom

Jaguar’s Celebration of Life Service

March 1, 2020
Author: Sylvia & Javier Gutierrez

Family and friends and guests, we want to thank you for your continual love and support. We appreciate those of you who were able to attend Jag’s memorial service last week. We know many of you also wanted to attend, but couldn’t for various reasons. We are sharing the service here for you to view and remember Jaguar through songs and testimonies. We’d like to thank our daughter Jena who worked behind the scenes to help coordinate the memorial service. Also, our daughter Jordan who participated in the service in singing and creating Jag’s tribute video. We are so proud of them both.

https://fb.watch/5CVrLVa8Z8/