December 25, 2020
Author: Sylvia Gutierrez

Christmas – a time of family, celebration, and HOPE. We come here not just to cry and grieve, we come to gain perspective and to push forward in the hope of Christ Jesus who makes all things new .

Merry Christmas family and friends.

“And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

November 11, 2020
Author: Sylvia Gutierrez

Today was emotionally excruciating to where we allowed our tears to flow and our pain to envelope us.
It still feels heavy.
It still feels unreal.
It still feels like February 8th.

Today we thank those that have given so much to serve and protect our nation.
It is still worth answering the call.
It is still worth fighting for.
It is still worth the sacrifice.

Freedom is not free

August 12, 2020
Author: Sylvia Gutierrez

Today would have been Jaguar’s 29th birthday on earth. Instead he now dwells in a place where time does not exist. Where his body will never grow old and his strength will never leave him. Where sorrow and tears are but a thing of the past. Where separation from your loved ones is unheard of, and the beauty and peace of the Lord are beyond comprehension. Where truth and justice reign for all eternity. He now walks with the saints of old – people he read and studied about – the prophet Isaiah, King Solomon, Nehemiah, Father Abraham, Job, the Apostles, and countless more. Jaguar’s faith in Christ is now complete.

Sharing Jaguar with you these last few days has been both difficult and good for my soul. We continue to miss everything about him and are anxious to see him again soon. Until then, may his memory and legacy be of witness to the God he loved and served. ~S

This is what the Lord says: “Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches,24 but let the one who boasts boast about this: that they have the understanding to know me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,” declares the Lord. (Jeremiah 9:33)

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August 10, 2020
Author: Sylvia Gutierrez

Jaguar Birthday Memorial #10
‘A Father and his Son’
Gabriel Apollo was Jaguar’s first born. Gabby picked his first name and Jaguar picked his middle name. Jag chose not to give him the name Jaguar because he said there could only be one Jaguar in the family. As his only son, Gabriel was his pride and joy. He took time to bond with him through different activities – wrestling, hiking, chess, jiu jitsu, swimming at local springs, and Gabriel’s fascination for lizards. In a house full of sisters, Gabriel was always eager for his dad to get home for ‘boy’ time. When Jaguar would deploy, he always left his son in charge of the house and his sisters. It was a job Gabriel took seriously.

A couple of weeks after Jaguar was deployed to Afghanistan, Gabby called me. In our conversation, she mentioned that Gabriel had had a dream and woke up hysterical. He kept telling Gabby that the bad guys had got his dad. He was having a meltdown and was inconsolable. Gabby, not thinking much of it, reassured him that his dad was okay, and he would get to talk to him when he called – which he did. Gabriel never said anything about it again. Jaguar’s picture now hangs on the wall of their home and Gabriel occasionally stops to stare before tearing up and walking away. He tells Gabby he’s going to be soldier just like dad – and when he does, she is not allowed to cry.

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August 9, 2020
Author: Sylvia Gutierrez

Jaguar Birthday Memorial #9
‘Journey to the Top’
Throughout Jaguar’s childhood, he looked forward to joining the Marines after high school just like his father. However, it was the Army that pursued him first and Jaguar felt it was the right decision for him. His passion was to be an infantry rifleman, but he also had a strong interest in becoming an Army Ranger. Jag’s eyes would light up and he would salivate when talking about Special Operations. Following his enlistment, Jaguar’s military career took different turns due to an injury, his marriage to Gabby, and delays in military orders. Nevertheless, the fall of 2012 found him in selection for the Green Berets. He became a part of Special Forces in 2015 after a grueling 3-year process. He was proud to fulfill his calling when he made it to the top. Jaguar hadn’t told us anything about graduation until the last minute, therefore, I was the only who could take the time off to attend the event. I was so proud of him and took pictures. While standing outside following the ceremony, Jag notices me excitedly engaged with my phone. “What are you doing mom!?” he asks. “I’m gonna posts my pics,” I responded. He quickly bursts my humongous bubble. “No, you can’t do that.” He proceeds to tell me not to post anything about his graduation – not today or possibly even ever. I was absolutely heartbroken! How was it that I couldn’t share with our family and friends this major accomplishment of his? How could he not allow me this special moment? Completely disappointed, and except for a few private messages he allowed me to send, I honored his wishes and never shared anything publicly about his profession for at least the next couple of years.

Well it’s been 5 years since his graduation, and I’m finally going to share some of my photos from that special day on February 5, 2015. The day he achieved his goal and answered his calling. Almost exactly five years later on February 8, 2020, he made the ultimate sacrifice.

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August 8, 2020
Author: Sylvia Gutierrez

Jaguar’s Birthday Memorial #8
‘A Hero’s Hero’
One of Jaguar’s heroes was his great grandpa Thomas Ortiz. Grandpa served in WWII in the Normandy Campaign, and was MIA and a POW in occupied German territory. Grandpa, along with other POWs, were liberated by the Russian army. He had been wounded in the foot and suffered from frostbite on his hands and feet. Jag had a deep love and profound respect for him. They shared a special bond from the time Jag was an infant to his high school years. Grandpa and Grandma Ortiz helped raise Jag and his siblings while Javier and I went to work, and also took care of them on their summer school breaks. When Jaguar left to the army, grandpa was already in a nursing home and could no longer speak. He was rarely expressive or mobile. Upon his return from boot camp, Jag visited his grandpa and grandma. Grandpa took one look at him in his uniform, pointed at him, and started to cry. Embracing him, Jag said proudly, “It’s my turn now grandpa.” Grandpa just continued to weep and hold on to him. Jaguar was able to visit his grandpa a few more times before he passed away. It was Jag’s way of reassuring him that he was still okay. The US flag draped over his coffin was eventually given to Jag by his grandmother. Despite their brief separation, Jaguar and grandpa are now resuming the close relationship they once had.

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August 7, 2020
Author: Sylvia Gutierrez

Jaguar Birthday Memorial #7
‘Hahahahaha Goes the Jaguar’
Jaguar had a sense of humor. He laughed at the silliest of things and his laughter is something we will never forget about him. These were some of the things that tickled his funny bone and that I remember most.*My husband Javier had this habit that would make me upset, but Jaguar thought it absolutely hilarious. Whenever I wanted to talk about something serious, Javier would immediately lean his head to the side and pretend to start snoring. He would do it randomly when we were on the couch, in the car, or laying down. As soon as he would hear my serious tone, his head would drop, and the snoring would begin. Jag, watching the whole thing, would place his hand over his mouth trying to contain his laughter. Javier would then apologize to me and would become serious to listen. But as soon as I would start speaking again, he’d snore even louder. Jaguar and Javier would burst out laughing hysterically. There was no talking to either of them for the next half hour. *One of Jag’s favorite shows was The Office. He would sit in our living room and laugh uncontrollably for the whole duration of the sitcom. The whole family thought he was nuts and that he was overdoing it. Thanks to Jaguar, Javier and the girls soon became fans of the show and joined in on the laughs. I, on the other hand, never understood it, still don’t. *A few months back, Jaguar had called home. During a conversation with his dad, he mentioned that his 5-year old daughter Eden was caught red handed lying. He asked her if she was hiding a candy to which she looked him in the eye and said no. He made her get up from the couch, and sure enough, she had a candy hidden in the blanket. He was beside himself and couldn’t believe that she lied straight to his face. His dad then told him, “You mean like when you were little, and I asked you who made a deep gash on my guitar. You looked me straight in the eye and said you didn’t know how it got there. Then a couple of years ago, you finally told me you did it.” Upon being reminded of this, Jaguar erupted in laughter.(Now, Javier actually loves that deep gash on his guitar .)

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August 5, 2020
Author: Sylvia Gutierrez

Jaguar’s Birthday Memorial #5
‘Warrior Bride’
Jaguar is truly Gabby’s forever love and soulmate. Since his passing, she’s been asked frequently if she’ll remarry someday. The mere suggestion of this is hurtful to her in light of the husband and father he was. His gentle and calm spirit balanced Gabby’s more emotional temperament. Because his career demanded that he be away from home a great deal, Jag made sure to spend every minute he wasn’t working with his family. His home was his priority. His life goal was to live in an upright manner so, as he once told her, “the Lord will find favor in me and will bless my family”.

To say that his death has been detrimental to her is an understatement. His absence has been brutal on her soul. At times her grief has been unbearable, not always pretty, and expressed in ways that will never be understood by those who haven’t felt the pain of her shattered heart. There is a struggle within her to make sense of it all and find answers to questions that keep her up at night. Answers that even though they may satisfy her ‘need to know’ they will never bring back the amorous warrior who always protected her. And as she wakes each day – alone – without his presence – without his voice – without a text or message – she pushes forward to find strength in the eyes and laughter of her four young children. She clings to the promise made by her heavenly Father and waits for the day she’ll be reunited with her soulmate – the one who always called her his warrior bride

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