September is Alpocia Awareness Month, so I am sharing this story from a beautiful friend of mine, Bethany Castañeda. Bethany and her family were there for me and my own family during a time when we needed a lot of spiritual support, and we have become closer within those years. When I first read her story, I was deeply impacted to understand that our beauty is far greater than our exterior shell. I am so grateful that Bethany agreed to share her story on this platform. I hope that it helps someone out there who is battling within.
“Mrs. Castañeda, do you understand what I’m saying to you? Excuse me, Mrs. Castañeda...” That was all I was able to remember the day the doctor explained to me that I had an autoimmune disease called Alopecia Areata.
I stood there with tears running down my face, knowing that from that moment on, my life would drastically change. Alopecia Areata is an autoimmune disease that attacks the person’s hair follicles. There are 3 forms of Alopecia. There is Alopecia Areata (patchy), Alopecia totalis (all hair from your head but still some on your body), and Alopecia Universalies (total body hair loss).
For years, I was able to cover up my bald spots – and then one day while combing my hair, a chunk fell out. I stood in the bathroom and cried because I knew there was no way I could hide that. I called my husband into the bathroom and showed him. He hugged me and gave me a kiss and told me how beautiful I was. I looked at him and laughed, and I thanked him for his kind words. That day, I was able to find a store in town that sold wigs. I purchased a wig and tried so hard to hide what was going on underneath it. At night, I would take off my wig; and each day that would pass, more and more hair was falling out. I didn’t want to shave it because I felt like I was letting the disease win.
It took about a month-and-a-half for all of my hair to fall off. It started on my head and worked its way around my body. I would look at myself everyday, seeing this blank canvas of what I felt made up “Bethany.” I lost myself. I lost my self worth. I lost what I thought “beautiful” was. I would tell other people how beautiful they were and how God values them. I would see other people’s spirits and see how precious they were. But for some reason, I couldn’t see it in myself. For 14 years, I hid myself under wigs. I had so much anxiety of being somewhere and my wig falling off I cringed at the thought of someone wanting to touch my head or play with my hair. I lived in constant fear. Being trapped in this emotional prison was the worst, until one day…
One day, I was in the shower crying. I cried out to the Lord and asked Him, “WHY ME???” All those years of having it, I never questioned Him. I just took it for what it was. It was a disease that I had no control over. But that day, I had enough…and I questioned Him and was so angry! He spoke to my spirit and said, “Why not you? Didn’t you pray to me and say, ‘Lord, use me.’ Didn’t you say ‘Have Your way with me’?” I answered, “Yes,” He said, “Then stop hiding, and let me actually use you. Take off your wig, and let me show you what I’m going to do to bring honor and glory to Myself through you. Be brave. Do not fear. This is your story that I am writing so that people will find me in the midst of it.” I cried in that shower for what seemed like forever; but it was in that moment that I felt the Lord wash all fear and gave me a strength I didn’t know I had.
I walked out of that bathroom completely restored and without my wig. I went over to my husband and daughters and told them that I was ready to show all of me to the world. They hugged me and were all so proud of me. That day, I wrote my first social media post about my disease and showed everyone my bald head. I received so much support from people all over.
Later that evening, I received a phone call from a very good friend of mine. She shared that she had been suffering with this same disease, and that she was ready to take her own life due to the depression she had. She said she had already written her letter and was planning how to execute it. She felt like she needed to get on Facebook and say her goodbyes. When she did, she saw my post and couldn’t believe that I had it. She immediately felt God’s love for her. She asked me about my story, and I told her how long I’ve been fighting this. She asked me, “Why did you choose today to speak out?” I said, “I think it was for you.” We both cried! I could see why God made me do it on that day. From that moment, I have not put a wig back on.
This is who I am.
I am a Child of God!
I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
I was created for a purpose.
I am full of JOY, for I know that I am in God’s will.
I stand here with my hands open wide, saying, “God use me, so others will come to know You.”
Can God heal me? YES!
Do I ask Him to? NO!
Isaiah 6:8
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Who shall I send? And who will go for us? And I said, ‘Here am I. Send Me!‘” (NIV)
~ This story has been written by Bethany Castañeda. Bethany has been married for 21 years and has 3 beautiful daughters – ages 20, 17, and 15. She and her husband are raising them to be godly women who know their beauty is far deeper within. ~
FindJoy 