When we were kids, do you remember the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones; but words will never hurt me.” Well, if ever there was a lie bigger than Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, it was this one. Society has come a long way since 40 years ago when I was in elementary school. We have come to realize that words do hurt, sometimes even more than physical pain. We can eventually heal from most physical pain. But emotional scars sometimes never fully heal.
The earliest memory that I have of being hurt by words was in kindergarten. I remember it was during Winter, and I was excited to wear this little red fur coat that my parents bought for me. I liked that coat so much with its deep red color and white fur around the hood of the coat. I wore it so proudly to school on the first cold day we had. No one really noticed it at first because I took it off and placed behind my chair. But then came recess time on the playground, and that was when my world turned upside down for this little 6-year old.
I don’t even remember who the first kid was who said it, but I suddenly heard, “Look, it’s Santa Claus!” And suddenly I was bombarded by a group of my own classmates, circling around me and pointing at me, laughing. They started telling me what they wanted for Christmas!! Now this may seem like a very mild form of teasing and using words to hurt someone. And now as an adult, I can’t help but laugh to myself at the almost innocent cruelty of those kids and how sensitively I handled it. But for a kindergarten child, it was traumatizing! After that, I actually avoided wearing the color “red” for a very long time, even through high school. Only one person ever asked me why I never wore red.
As an adult, I have definitely learned to have a thicker skin, and I can take “teasing” a little better….I say a “little better” because I still think it’s mean for a person to tease someone else. My husband and I differ in opinions on this because he grew up with 3 brothers and a large extended family. They are a fun bunch who are always joking around and picking on each other in a playful way, even now as adults. I grew up always being taught to be careful what you say and not to tease people. So in raising our kids, we had a different view of things – but thankfully, it has balanced and actually created well-rounded kids. On one hand, he taught our kids to handle criticism, have a thick skin, and always have a come-back remark. On the other hand, I have always implemented being sensitive to other people, being kind, and being careful not to ever tease someone, especially and always when it comes to their physical appearance, something they cannot control.
In a society where people are so cruel, and yet people get offended by everything – what is the solution? I say JUST BE KIND! Don’t take everything so literally and seriously – but don’t be a jerk and be mean either. Find a balance, and teach that to your kids as well.
I heard a song many years ago, and I will share a link to it (don’t laugh – it’s an OLD song!) and quote some of the lyrics: “With words you can move mountains, in just a moment’s time. That takes years to tear down, and even longer to climb…..if you can’t find something good to say, say nothing at all.”
FindJoy 